Open Relationship Benefits

Swingology A Lifestyle Podcast is for adult entertainment only and we are not licensed professionals. Our show features adults themes, language and descriptions of sexual acts & desires. If you are under 18, this is not the show for you. 

The ideas & opinions expressed are those of the speaker only and not of any company or entity and should not be considered professional advice. Now let’s stimulate your mind…

Open Relationship Benefits

Tori Kist and her husband Steve Kist discuss many of the benefits of having an open relationship based on their experience's and swinger journey.  Listeners will learn several ways that having an open relationship, whether polyamory or swinger, can be beneficial if approached with open & clear communication along with mutual respect. 

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Audio source: MusicRevolution

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License code: ASLC-309AF645-53F9C6CFCA

Thumbnail image: Created by Tori Kist 

Chapters

• 2:00 Enhanced Emotional Support
• 2:55 Sexual Variety & Fulfillment
• 4:07 Sexual Skill Improvement
• 5:44 Safe Exploration
• 9:19 Closer Bond with Spouse
• 10:01 Increased Happiness
• 11:13 Decreased Jealousy
• 12:11 Building Trust

Transcript

0:00

[laughs][music] You are listening to Swingology, a lifestyle podcast. Swingology is for adult entertainment only, and we're not licensed professionals. Our show features adult themes, language, and descriptions of sexual acts and desires. If you're under 18, this is not the show for you. The ideas and opinions expressed are those of the speaker only and not of any company or entity, and should not be considered professional advice. Now, let's stimulate your mind. Welcome back everyone to another episode of Swingology, a lifestyle podcast. I am Tori Kist. And I'm Steve Kist, and we are your host to Swingology. Today we're going to be talking about different ways that having an open relationship can be beneficial. Now, to begin with, open relationships, they can offer enriching and fulfilling experiences, but you have to approach them with mutual respects and clear communication. You have to be vulnerable with each other and be open and honest. That's easy to say and hard to do. A lot of relationships, the spouses or couples will say that they're open and they're honest. And I see it in the lifestyle when we're out and we're mingling that one spouse won't say the honest truth because they're concerned about what their other spouse is going to say, or they'll be like, "Well, I can't really say that in front of him because he'll get angry." And I'm like, "Well, that's just another form of holding back or lying." Yes, and on the flip side, I love it when I see couples that me or you and I sometimes they might be, "Hey, quick catch up in the corner and they'll go off to the corner and chat." And I know what that's like because you and I do that. Yeah, it shouldn't be something where people go, "Oh my gosh, did I do something wrong?" It should be taken as, "Okay, well, they're going to focus on their relationship for a little bit. It probably doesn't involve me." Exactly. It's something between the husband and the wife and they have open communication. And so that's fantastic. I love seeing that. Absolutely. I agree with that. Steve, what is one example of how having an open relationship can be beneficial? Imagine that you're going through a tough time and it involves your significant other or one of your partners and you can rely on the other person you have an intimate or romantic connection with and come to them and ask them for advice. And maybe they're partially involved or they're in the know and they can help direct or give advice. You have more than one pillar of support. So when you're in a monogamous relationship, you have one person to lean on, romantically, intimately with your deepest self. But if you allow yourself to open yourself up to multiple people, then you have multiple people to rely on for support and to be your deepest self with. Yeah, I can definitely see that more in a polyamorous type of relationship situation. But when it comes to a swing or situation, one way that having an open relationship can be beneficial is that sexual variety, all the different flavors. So maybe you and your spouse, you are super passionate. But every now and then you just want to do really rough. But your spouse doesn't have that energy. Well, if you're a swing or you have an open sexual relationship, then you can get that super rough experience. So yes, with other relationships, you could find yourself with a spouse or partner that wants to be very rough. They want to be raunchy. They want to be dirty. They want to be sweaty, but their partner just doesn't come with that energy. Or maybe it's the exact opposite. Maybe your partner is like always such a dumb, always so like forceful that, you know, they've lost that passionate sensual touch. Maybe what you prefer is a little bit more of edge play. Maybe you prefer a little bit more, taking things like super slow, very sensual, light touches, sensory play. And so allowing yourself to have multiple partners allows you to have a variety of sexual experiences and also those experiences you can draw education from. So for example, I remember one couple. We were there first other people in life to play with. We were able to show them so many things that they had never experienced before. Lots of learning and educating going on in that play session and they loved it. Steve, give us an example of something that you learned after entering the Swinger World. One of the things that I learned was, you know, there's like a misconception out there that husbands that like to watch their spouses play are all like pushovers or, you know, they're not good in the bedroom or they need a real man to take care of their wives. But that's really not what it's about at all. It's more about comparison. And so when a husband sees his wife receive in pleasure, he gets excitement and pleasure for her. In addition to maybe the arousal he gets from watching, those husbands that like to watch their wives play, it's not more of a dismissive relationship for the person that's pleasure in the wife. It's more of like, you know what, you're a really good friend. And I would really like it if you could take care of my wife because I trust you. And so I didn't know that coming into the lifestyle. And now I know that's what that relationship is really about. That's right. You wore a bull for a few years and you learned how to be a proper bull. Yeah. I wish I had like a trainer that kind of taught me like how to be a good third to couples. But I kind of had to like fumble through the dark to get to a good spot, you know? Absolutely. And I did use a term that some listeners might not be aware of. A bull is a single, straight man in the lifestyle. And we're going to go through terminology and a couple episodes later. So stay tuned for that. How about safe exploration? Swinging communities often emphasize safe sex practices. One of my favorite things about going to the country club or any swing or club is that there's security. There's normally a bowl of condoms, the pool parties that we've been going to. There's this company. Harmony healthcare. Harmony healthcare. And they're there and giving free like test to people like for STDs and STIs. And why would you turn down a free test? I mean, hello, like test are expensive. Especially if you do, what is that one that a lot of the porn industry people are using with the bar code? What is that called? Talent testing services. Talent testing services. They are freaking fantastic. If you are into only fans or online sexual activities, definitely look into talent testing services, but they're expensive. So when I saw Harmony healthcare come by and I went up to their booth and I was talking to them, they're like, we give free health test or free sexual as STI test. That's amazing. That's incredible. And reference to safe exploration and talent testing services. For those of you who don't know, talent testing services is kind of a major deal. So if you're meaning that with someone and they say they're talent testing verified, that means a lot. And what that means is, yes, they have been tested. You can ask them to open up the app on their phone and a QR code is going to pop up. You take a picture of their QR code with your camera and then their STD results from their most recent test will pop up on your phone from the website. It's not a PDF. So it's not a PDF that can be edited. It's information that comes directly from a server. And so anyone that does talent testing services, they're proud to be talent tested verified. And they're so eager to show their results to anyone who asks if someone pops positive for chlamydia or anything, talent testing services launches an investigation and they will ask you and find out who the source partner was that was infected. And then if you're a part of some kind of adult entertainment, there's a lockdown that happens. All these agencies get notified. When I say investigation, I'm telling you there's a team of people that get involved. Yeah, they ask, okay, who have you been with since you've been, you know, the last time you tested, who have you been with and you name off who you've been with. And then they go test those people and they find the route. Like for example, there was a hot wives tour. I'm not going to give the location or the people's name, but there was a hot wives tour going around. And one of the wives had a test from a doctor. It was a PDF and she was positive for chlamydia. And she modified her PDF results and then printed them out. And so she came to the hot wives tour and she was showing everyone, see them clean and clean and clean and clean. Well, she wasn't clean and she spread her chlamydia around and those people used talent testing services. So they, when they went to get their next test that following month, it was found out. And eventually she got caught and now she's got a reputation. And you test positive for talent testing services and you don't cooperate with their questions. They won't test you anymore. They'll blacklist you. So if people know that you're a talent tested type of person and all of a sudden you can't provide results or show results anymore, that's kind of like a red flag. Like, why don't you go get tested and then they won't be able to do it because they weren't at some point they became uncooperative with the agency. One of my favorite things after having a swinging experience is our next sexual experience with each other. Normally like if that same night we come home, we have sex and it's just even more passionate than it was before. I kind of wonder what that experience would be like an impolite relationship to be honest with you. Oh my gosh. So like, for example, if we had another person and then we went out and we swung and then we came back and had to three sim at home, that would be amazing. I think so. I think that would be fantastic. Okay. That's a goal. That's a goal. Officially that's a goal. Okay. I think it's like a fantasy. No, it's a goal. It's a goal. It's not just a dream. We're going to do this. All right. Right in on the list. It'll happen when it happens though. Increased happiness is another benefits. Many couples report higher levels of happiness and satisfaction in their relationship due to the excitement and fulfillment that swinging brings. Yes, that reminds me. I had asked her about swinging because this is her second swinging relationship. She was in a different swinging relationship prior to her current marriage and it was very different. That's another thing to keep in mind, like swinging with a person that you have right now. That is one experience. But then if you had a totally different person, you'd have a different experience. I think I know who you're talking about. She was in a relationship where the guy needed to swing and she was kind of doing it out of obligation and every time we were swinging, it was all about like who he wanted to play with. And her concerns were put secondary if at all they were even brought up. And then so when she entered into another relationship, she was very hesitant and didn't want to participate. But the partner she was with this time was very affirming and was more interested in getting her fulfilled, moving at her speed. And then she realized that, okay, this is the way it was supposed to be the first time. And I just didn't know. Recently we just released an episode about overcoming jealousy. But this is another benefit to having an open relationship, moving from jealousy into compurgeon. So jealousy is one of those basic, I'm thinking caveman type of emotions that we're able to flex the muscles and work the muscles like an exercise and we can move through that into compurgeon. And if you can live at a more peaceful, harmonious state without the anger or the resentment or the feeling of left out, you're going to have a more pleasurable time. If you're thinking about swinging or you're in swinging now and jealousy starts to crop up, it's okay to feel that. It's okay to feel jealousy. It's okay to feel jealousy. Don't let it control you. And don't let it get worse because allowing it to build becomes a problem. You need to have a conversation with your spouse. Like a traffic light, jealousy is the color yellow. It just means slow down and let's look at this. And enhanced communication is one of the benefits of having an open relationship. And when you have those conversations, come to them with grace. And one of the things that I've noticed, having boundaries and then moving through the boundaries and releasing them, is that we've built trust with each other. And as you build the trust, because remember, the boundaries are there to protect you. And sometimes you realize you don't need that protection anymore. And so when you have those conversations, you can release those boundaries. But you have built the trust and your foundation of trust with your partner or partners is just getting stronger and stronger and stronger. And you wouldn't have those opportunities in a closed relationship. Right. And another thing that's really great about being in these situations is let's say you're just starting a new relationship and you're one month in and you're going to these parties. Your spouse has the ability to violate a boundary that you have set and you watch them violate it. Well, now you know very early in the relationship because you're putting to yourselves through these trust and experiences that listen, my partner does not respect my boundaries. And now I know like two weeks in, two months in, when it would have taken me four years to find out after I had moved in and spent money on cars and spent money on all these things, my person doesn't respect my boundaries. Yes, this is true. If you're starting off dating somebody and the lifestyle, you can find out how much character they have if they respect those boundaries early on. All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening. We have talked about many different ways that having an open relationship is beneficial. If there's any topics that you want me to dive into, let me know. I love doing my research and I like to stay open minded. It's not too opinionated on one side. Looking through our message board, nobody from the audience has asked a question yet. There is a listener that wants to come on the show. One idea that I threw out there is if I could get a panel of listeners, we could meet for about an hour and a half and we have open discussion about our different experiences. But I would need to have probably a good five to seven listeners. So we have various viewpoints that could be so enriching. And if you're interested in joining us, you can miss it to me through the show notes on this podcast or you can reach out to me on Instagram. Just look up Swingology or Lifestyle podcast. I'm so happy to get back to you guys. I have no date on when this would happen. Could be this year. Could be next year. Maybe it'll happen a couple times. I think having listeners joined together would be amazing. To you guys another time and keep tuning in to stimulate your mind. And stimulate your mind. Thank you so much for listening to Swingology. I'm truly honored to have you as a listener. If you liked what you've heard, consider subscribing to our podcast or connecting with us on social media. The links can be found with the episode show notes. This is Tori Kist reminding you to stimulate your mind.[MUSIC][BLANK_AUDIO]