What is a Swinger Party?

Swingology A Lifestyle Podcast is for adult entertainment only and we are not licensed professionals. Our show features adults themes, language and descriptions of sexual acts & desires. If you are under 18, this is not the show for you. 

The ideas & opinions expressed are those of the speaker only and not of any company or entity and should not be considered professional advice. Now let’s stimulate your mind…

What is a Swinger Party?

Tori Kist and her husband Steve Kist discuss the many different types of swinger parties based on their experience's and swinger journey.  Listeners will learn the types of parties and what to expect along with basic ettiequte they should be having while in these kinds of events. 

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Chapters

• 0:34 Types of Swinger Parties
• 1:06 House Parties
• 12:24 Swinger Resorts vs Swinger Clubs
• 19:47 Takeover Parties
• 23:08 Meet & Greets
• 25:45 Travel Groups
• 28:00 Etiquette
• 34:04 Steve & Tori's Favorite Parties

Transcript

0:00

[laughs][music] You are listening to Swingology, a lifestyle podcast. Swingology is for adult entertainment only, and we're not licensed professionals. Our show features adult themes, language, and descriptions of sexual acts and desires. If you're under 18, this is not the show for you. The ideas and opinions expressed are those of the speaker only and not of any company or entity, and should not be considered professional advice. Now, let's stimulate your mind. We are your host, Tori Kist. And Steve Kist. And today we're going to be talking about Swinger Parties. And the reason why today we're talking about Swinger Parties is because we realized that there's many swingers out there that might just meet for dates and go home. They may never have been to a Swinger Party and they have no idea what to expect. So we're going to talk about the different types of Swinger Parties and our experiences there and a little bit of etiquette of what you should be experiencing and/or giving. Right, exactly. So obviously the very first one would be House Party. House Party. And the most common House Party to have would probably be the Pool Party. Pool Parties generally start in the daytime and they go as long as the host wants it to go on. So that might be the end time is dinner and might be the end time is midnight and might be the end time is to in the morning or what have you. The rules, the boundaries that usually is established by the host couple. So for example, they might advertise it as a topless pool party or a full nude pool party. You don't see too many of those. They might give the pool party a theme. Yeah, so I went to a pool party at a beautiful rich mansion and met some wonderful people. We started off wearing our swimsuits and then as we were getting our drink on and our friendships vibing, we started taking off our tops and it was a topless pool party and then the evening came and we ordered some pizzas and it became more spicy. So yeah, as don't expect the moment you get there, that things are going to be happening. Could that happen sure? Yeah, most House Parties of all the different types that we're going to be talking about today are BYOB and it's always nice to bring a snack to share. Another type of House Party is the Costume Party. I follow this Instagram page and I don't remember what they're called or I will let you guys know, but they have these rules and they have House Parties with different themes and couples come through their front door dancing to this music and in their theme. So like the rainbow party and each couple is a color of the rainbow and so they're wearing the color or maybe it's opposite gender. So the guys wearing the girls clothes and the girls wearing the guys clothes and so they walk in the front door. All these different couples come in at separate times and it's hilarious to watch these rules. I think it's important to note that that type of party that you're talking about was for vanilla people and so some people in the swinger community or in the lifestyle community in general might have an issue with their photo being taken or being posted anywhere. If the host is taking photos or doing any of that kind of stuff, just let them know like hey listen, we appreciate that's what you're doing here, but we don't want our photo put anywhere. And if they then do it, of course that's a violation of trust and then you need to take that up with them directly. I mean yeah, obviously we're going to be respectful. Everyone here in the lifestyle should be respectful and ask for pictures first. Another kind of party which I also like are game nights. So there will be a host, they'll get a group of people together and you'll play a game or two and usually the games are involved in the lifestyle in some way. So like they'll go to Spencer's or wherever and pick up a naughty little game and it'll start out usually by asking questions or pictionary or or something along those lines where you're kind of interacting and you're teaming up with other people and then as the night goes on as the game progresses, it starts getting into like more touchy categories like okay, well now you have to kiss a person of your choosing or have you. So I do like those game those parties because especially when you don't know anyone there because that's a great way to break barriers. Yeah, I'm eating new people and I think one of my husband's low key favorite house parties to throw at our home is movie nights. So I like movie nights for newbie-ish couples that don't have a lot of experience in the lifestyle, but are open to learn, but are open to it. And so what we'll do is we'll throw on like a sexy little kind of maybe like a rom-com or something comedy, something where it's like uplifting and fun and happy and then what you'll do is you'll throw like a blanket across everyone's lap on the couch, right? One big blanket. And then so you know what's going on underneath the blanket. No one knows what's going on and then so during the movie at the first 10 or 15 minutes I'm going to lean my head over and like is this okay? And if I touch you on your thigh right there and then of course hopefully she'll be like yes, of course, absolutely. And then as the movie nights goes on, of course my fingers get a little bit closer to her inner thigh and then of course she starts feeling a certain kind of way and then perhaps my wife is doing the same thing to the other partner and before you know it, we're not really finishing the movie anymore. But that's also a great way to break the touch barrier and not to be like in your face about what's going on because a lot of times couples they want to participate but they just they're thinking like okay what happens first and what happens after that and what happens like if I do it wrong and if I'm not touching enough people or how am I supposed to do this and do that and how am I supposed to get into these positions that I see online and I don't know how to do any of that and it's like you're thinking way too much about it. You're all up in your head and it's just let it be organic like any time you have relations with your partner, it's like an organic experience. It's just one thing leads to another and then you're kind of in it. No one's trying to do a play by play a game plan. Now I will say there are some people in the lifestyle who do the play by play thing. What do you mean play by play? So it's generally a husband and it's generally like okay now I want you to touch her on her level. He's dictating. Yeah so he's dictating what's happening and I don't particularly care for those types of environments. I would be a brat. You would turn into a brat real quick. You would tell me what to do. Yeah make me you know and then you'd have to put you in your place. Nope. But anyway so yeah I don't typically enjoy those environments. People generally are not comfortable in those kind of environments when there's someone saying okay now I want you to do this and then now I want you to do that and now I want you to do this. I found that the people that do that are typically doing it to protect some. They're not fully ready to be in a whatever happens kind of scenario and doing it this way gives them a sort of sense of control and they feel safer. They feel safer. They feel the ability to turn things on and off. You know what Steve if I knew that's the place they were coming from I wouldn't turn into a brat. I would comply because I want them to be comfortable but it all depends if they're being a dictator like demanding that's a no no but if they're like open and low like I'm nervous can I I be the one in control? Absolutely. Thank you for telling me that. Tell me what to do. I am your play doll. Another house party type that we're going to touch base on today is the sleepover where the whole idea is and our sleepovers that we've gone to are typically like two hours away. So like it's hard to come home right afterwards. Generally people arrive in the evening sometime after dinner people bring finger food and drinks but the idea is is that people are drinking and they get a little intoxicated and because of that and the hosts have the space and the ability to house all these people they listen we want everyone to have a good time we want everyone to have fun and so because of that we want everyone to be able to stay here and be safe while you're intoxicated. So this is going to be a sleepover party. The idea is not to watch a movie and necessarily or to play a game. The purpose is to vibe. There's music. There's probably lights color lights in the ceiling and you're just having a good time with like my did swingers. Right and so you're usually you're spending time to get the no people and that kind of stuff and then people will peel off and enter designated spaces at the hosts house where they're allowed to engage in sexual activity. You love these types of parties Steve you even have a play bag that you bring. Could you tell us what's in your play bag? So yeah whenever we go to these types of parties I have this play bag and it's got different types of toys in it. It's got female feminine wash and so sometimes you know and you know if we're going to touch on this topic. They meet someone at a party you know and they've been standing and walking around for a while and then you notice you know what they have this little odor to them but I really like their vibe but you know what the best way to get around that is like listen you know what I find very sexy is if we went and took a shower together. You want to go sudsy to their up in the shower before we start playing and then they would be like yeah that sounds like a great idea. And so you turned what could be an awkward thing into a sexy pre-game sort of speak. Do you have the condoms with you if they need condoms? Mouthwash is definitely definitely in the play bag. Various types of condoms. Mounds gum. Because people have allergies. Right. Some people have latex allergies allergies so have the different types of condoms and then some people say you're the host of the party you should have condoms available for us to use. If you want to play you need to bring your cover. Those will yeah but obviously if it's a concern that you have you should also bring your own. Don't expect other people to have something that you want them to have. Sleepover parties I generally like because you could have more intimate experiences with someone and generally like I don't know I like the idea of being in a room with another person's spouse and having like one-on-one sexual connection and sexual energy with that person and then maybe another person joins in at some point and then afterwards there's like a little cuddle session like a cuddle puddle and you can't usually feel comfortable to have cuddle puddles or after sessions or you know let's play a second time if people have a deadline like okay we have to be out here by 11 and so you know you arrive at eight there's drinks there's mingling there's sex and then we got to get dressed we have to leave now. This is true and I love one of the things I love about sleepovers is also that like we can share lingeries so we can like out try on yours you try on my let's take some pictures okay now it's your turn let me try on yours and you can see the different lingerie types on your body and see what you like that's one fun thing but I wanted to mention hosting a house party does not guarantee that you're going to get action we went to a house party once few years back and I wasn't really vibing with anyone so Steve and I went to one of the playrooms too you know get it on and the host male came up and watched us and started taking off his pants he never even there was no consent there was no talking to you there was no questions there was no asking he just assumed because he was the host exactly that he was just going to jump in and start playing and so I looked nervously at Steve and I was like how do I say no thank you and he was like just say that no thank you I'm not interested yep that's it so obviously when you're with a group of people that you don't know and you're in this these kinds of environments you have to be very comfortable with being able to speak up for yourself and just say no thank you use your words you definitely don't be afraid to let someone down just don't be me and just say no thank you saying something like maybe later is not the same thing because they're going to think okay later but if you say no thank you and then later on you do going up to them and flirting and asking that's how you would overcome that right and then so sometimes people and you hear this a lot may I join you and then they'll say where is your wife which is different like so in that situation I know that they're interested in me playing but it has to be an equal opportunity play situation so if I want to play I need to go find my wife and see if she's interested in playing and so we can all play together okay so let's talk about Swinger clubs and Swinger resorts the difference between what those are and the type of parties that they have so Swinger resorts there's international Swinger resorts and there's domestic Swinger resorts and then there's a handful of Swinger clubs all over the United States a Swinger Resort is going to have rooms that you can stay the night in a Swinger club is just that it's like a nightclub many of them have playrooms many of them serve food maybe there's a buffet and there's Swinger resorts well the international ones that Stephen and I have been to they have restaurants on site some of them have playrooms some of them don't have playrooms some of them they expect you to play in your room alone not in a general open playroom what did you want to touch based on when it comes to these two the difference between those two for me the difference between a Swinger club and a Swinger resort is as in a resort you have your own room that you have rented for the night or for the weekend and at a club they might have private rooms that you can temporarily temporarily use but it's generally they they might have a playroom and then there might be a few LS clubs out there where it's they've got a dance floor they've got food but there's nowhere to play on site you have to go find your play action somewhere else and of course there's different types so I know like in the state of Florida there's of course there's the resorts there are the clubs and then there's people have money in Florida so there are places where there's like huge ranch and it's their private property and they publicly advertise that you can come to this private property and engage in swing or lifestyle activities on site you have a donation you get in they have pools they have they might have little mini bars they might have spas or like I'm sorry hot tubs and event like that is going to be advertised on a swing or website like SDC and it's not going to be open every single day it's going to be probably like quarterly and they'll let you know if you get in like this is going to be a limited number of parking so they're going to say okay we're going to limit to 150 cars so we'll give you a number and if you don't come then you miss out but we're not going to give more than 150 spots out something like that is what we've experienced and then there's some couples that open their houses and they and they say listen our house is a lifestyle establishment Friday Saturday and Sunday night so they will say it's it's open to the public there are donations or sometimes their donations get pretty clear like okay your donation is to bring two bottles of alcohol I saw one like you have to bring a 50 pound bag of dog food that was the donation those ones aren't exactly swing or resorts or clubs that's kind of like a swing or club hybrid house party it's a club hybrid house party all right so let's talk about swing or resort and or swing or club themes that we've been to example the glow party that is one of the most popular themes I think that there is the glow party everyone loves glowing it's just fun and getting that sexy neon lingerie and or body paint oh my gosh Steve do you like body paint okay so a lot of people love body paints I don't care for it because when it comes time to engage in physical play it gets so messy real fast now some people like that they like the neon messiness and it gets all over the bed and it gets all over whatever and then they like to take a picture with neon lights on and like this is the disaster after we were done playing but I don't know it's kind of like a novelty kind of a thing like if you do it it's like okay now this paint is getting into your you know private areas and maybe you know maybe that's not the best thing they also have white parties yeah like togas or where anything that's white white dresses white shoes white hats white underwear steam punk 80s 90s parties you don't have to have expensive lingerie I get most of my pieces from Amazon and they're not that expensive but they look phenomenal and when you're just strutting your stuff around the swing or club just dancing and enjoying yourself without the other sexy ladies or sexy men it's just so fun and it builds yourself confidence another aspect is like okay well I don't have anything that glows or I don't have 80s attire all right I don't have lingerie so maybe I shouldn't go no they would rather you be there in regular clothing than not be there right the idea is that you're interacting and being social with other people you do not generally you do not have to go in theme unless the party specifically says you must be in thing you know what that's one of the differences between swing air clubs and vanilla clubs vanilla clubs you have to dress up dress to impress no sneakers allowed unless they're super white and clean no denim allowed women must wear you know fancy clubs the swing or clubs we're more relaxed we gave you the option for themes but as long as you like there was that couple that would come to the country club and they didn't swing they came in regular clothes all the time but they had a bubbly personality and they were always talking to people meeting people and they were didn't they they were a regular fixture at the club and everyone at the club kind of knew that they were the couple that didn't physically play with other people but they would go for the parties they would live it up they would drink they would see other people doing crazy sexual things they would people watch and be like oh my gosh they're so tipsy or look at that drama unfold and they would just love the environment and they loved being there and it was so energetic and you never knew what was going to happen the next time if people would be having sex on the pool lawn chairs or what have you so we had the opportunity to connect with them and they were going to the club because it was spiced up their love life they would see all these experiences and then they would go home and have these amazing either conversations or their own special fireworks when we go to the country club and there's a theme that we don't like generally we'll just go in some sexy attire or just go and lingerie because lingerie is like the default okay you look good or a mini club dress and no one really cares that you're not in theme because you look amazing and that'll fit although we've gone in regular shorts and t-shirts and that's fine let's talk about Halloween Steve and I don't understand and we love to know from our listeners what is the intrigue about the Halloween theme when it comes to swing your parties they are dark and bloody and evil clowns and to us that's not sexy there's nothing sexy about that at all in our opinion so we want to know from the listeners do you like Halloween swing parties what about it is intriguing and turning you on or does it not turn you on it's just fun to dress up let us know because I'm not getting it and I want to I want to understand I know it's about the fun for the people and people are dressed in all these gory costumes but like when I'm at the country club I like there's always the possibility of like you know you never know what could happen to complain could be involved but never on Halloween because that's the most time I'm ever turned off in my entire life people will be looking gory and open wounds and oozing of just like zombies and I'm like there is nothing attractive about how you look right now and I am not about to get turned on I'm not gonna be writing Freddie Krueger sorry that's not gonna happen so like ill I just I can't in my brain can't merge the two they're very separate entities and they will always be separate for me but hey you do you and educate that's what we're trying to do so let us know if you're into that why let us know because we're not hating everyone has something out there it's just not our cup of tea another type of party that you will experience if you go to a swing or resort or a swing or club is the takeover now takeovers don't happen all the time so you definitely want to take a look at the calendar of events of the place you're going to to see if a takeover is happening but it's normally when a lifestyle party company comes through and takes over the entire place with their own theme their own DJ their own party is their own party props and there's normally a following of other swingers and in that community that go to their parties they might travel just to go because that lifestyle company is taking over that club with these groups come lots of people and so sometimes people kind of take away from the experience like if you've got 20,000 options in front of you and you're trying to get to know people before you enter into a intimate experience everyone is it's loud it's noisy sometimes it's standing room only you're trying to yell at other people to talk to other people because maybe the host has their music too loud or there's so many people you can't get to know anyone because everyone's distracted by meeting new people and so at these events what we have learned for us specifically is go to the events do quick 10 15 20 minute little networks get their name and contact information that way you can meet up and schedule the meetup with them afterwards sometime outside of the event yeah takeovers are really good for meeting new people but actual play it's gonna be harder to tack down the couple that you have your eyes on last summer I started a YouTube channel and if you want to see my review and it's called Tampa Rodic it's a new company that's taking over different hotels go to YouTube search Tori Kest go to my channel and it's Tampa Rodic a weekend to remember and it was our first Tampa Rodic takeover that we've been to we hosted a room crawl in which we'll talk about what that is in that video and on future episodes and it's it's our experience so you can see what it's like they had a ton of people there it was busy but we've been to some takeovers where like Steve said it's standing room only like it's you're going between these different rooms and you're meeting these new people and the go to the club and it's different type of music by in the club versus maybe outside of the club and it's just so many options it's almost overwhelming and so the last takeover that we went to it was not 10 broad it goes someone else I was so overwhelmed I had to leave I just left I was exhausted the crowd just was too much for me and that was kind of sad because I wanted to have a great time I looked forward to that one but oh well do you want to talk about that the large props and the themes like those giant mushrooms yeah so sometimes the takeover groups will come with their own themes and they'll decorate so they'll have like maybe there'll be a a big inflatable mushroom for example and inside the inflatable mushroom will be a camera and so people the couples will go into the inflatable mushroom and there'll be a camera there and they'll take you know like a selfie booth sort of speak sometimes they'll these events will have a 360 movie camera shot where the camera circles the couple three or four times and they're doing like a little dance jig and sometimes they'll have like a very good laser light display setup it's fun to wear the theme outfits if you can if you're going to a takeover because they have these picture booths and these props you could take pictures with you know what you're looking for on no stress you know you're not looking for people to be all like having sexual crazy experiences everywhere those are called meat ingrutes so meat ingrutes can be at someone's house or it could be at a location like at a private bar or at a club somewhere and sometimes they'll turn it into a speak easy which means no one from the public can go in unless you know what's going on in there and so it'll be like a code word and then the door will open and you'll be allowed to go in and everyone inside the public that would be a public bar for that night is only there for the swinging or the lifestyle meat ingrute and so you know everyone there is part of the lifestyle even though it's a public bar or it's a public club or what have you what happens at meat ingrutes is you don't have to dress any kind of way you don't have to meet anyone else's standards you don't have to there's you still have etiquette which means consent is a thing don't touch other people without their consent and then there's obviously generally drinks there so people can have alcoholic beverages that's a type of place that they have their own bar so it's not a B-O-I-O-B it's a public place typically but it's locked down from the night like he said with a special word and you're normally on a list so you're going to find these places like on SDC or Cassidy and go to the events area of that SLS SLS go to the event section of those pages see what events are happening and they're called meat ingrutes and they have themes too and I'm a little embarrassed to dress up in the themes because they're at a public place that's just taken over for the night so there's other public places around it so I like dressing up in theme and sexy lingerie and stuff when I go to a swing or club because it's it's always a swing or club you're not going to have any of the public there right you know what I'm seeing like you're going to have like minded people there but like an ABC party anything but clothing I would be embarrassed to walk through a public parking lot to get to the establishment to get to it one thing that is difficult is you might agree to meet with a couple for dinner somewhere and then they don't show up you know for our first year in the lifestyle that's what we did we would talk to people online we would agree to meet with them at a dinner and then more than half the time they never showed up and that's very frustrating but instead what you would do is go to one of these meat ingrutes and then have that same couple that you were going to meet for a private dinner meet you there and if they don't show up that's fine because you know what other people that you don't know we're going to be there and you'll still have an opportunity to meet people that are in the lifestyle that's a fantastic idea the final type of swing or party that I want to talk about on today's episode is the travel groups and we have traveled with a swing or a travel group they normally go to an international location but it doesn't have to be it can be domestic and they are hosting that trip so you're traveling with everyone within like their travel group and they have their own party themes in addition to the party themes that that swing or resort offers so you have two different options there and you have a sense of community because everyone is traveling together with that travel group so imagine you have a group of friends like let's say you have eight or ten friends and then you meet on a routine basis and then three or four times a year you all agree to go you know now we're going to go meet at that lifestyle resort over there in Florida now we're going to go meet at that lifestyle resort in Nevada now we're going to go to Hito and Jamaica and so you just go with the same comfortable group of people that you know and sometimes they invite a new couple and a new couple is coming along with your group or that kind of thing but you're comfortable that's the main idea that is traveling with your friends but I was talking more like I'm not going to name drop I'm going to edit that one out for example they had their own speaker and microphone that they brought to the pool and during that time the pool staff you know they took their break and took over the pool party and they had their own get set again one of my favorite things about the travel group is that the travel group that we have traveled with in the past is that they they look for safeties they look to see who can they invite in the swing or community to their travel group and so they have a doctor that travels with them because if you get sick or getting in my case I got an ear infection internationally going to the doctor it you know that's kind of hard to do or expensive to do and so in my case I got an ear infection from swimming and there was a doctor they had airdrops they gave it to me and then because if I had gone on the airplane with this ear infection it possibly could have damaged my hearing or certainly would have heard at the very least yeah so travel groups they have their benefits so keep in mind if you wanted to go to a location check to see if there's a group going there you could join in on their parties so one thing I want to talk about doesn't matter what party you go to or what style or that kind of thing there's always a certain level of etiquette that is expected and so let's talk about etiquette some house parties are going to be a donation required some house parties are going to be invite only and so let's say it's an invite only party and a host couple invited you to go but you don't know anyone that's going to that party except for the host couple and the host couple when they're hosting can't always play because they're busy hosting and so if they're busy hosting the whole time and they can't participate in the play and you don't know anyone else there that means that limits your play ability options unless you do vibe with someone there and so you might feel more comfortable inviting a couple that you know to go with don't just invite that couple to go to the hosts party because you know them you need to go to the host and be like hey listen you know we would love to come we would feel more comfortable if we could invite our friends and then if nothing else we can entertain ourselves at your location and then leave it up to the host to decide if they can tack on another two people to the party because usually it's not about oh no your people can't come because of whatever excuse it's usually about okay well we're approaching a maximum head count and I just can't bring on more people that's usually the only reason why hosts don't just open it up to the mass public it's like listen we're already at 10 people there's only one bedroom I'm not feeling like we should be including more people we just don't have the space if you don't know what to bring generally either bring a a finger dish or a bottle of alcohol that you like or a couple mixers you know and that's that's usually good enough if you have condom requirements bring your own condoms if you have a specific kind of lube that you only use bring that bring an open mind yeah be be open and so if it's a sleepover make sure you have what you need for the morning after or if you need to bring your pillow or you know we've gotten into the habit of if we're going to a sleepover event we just bring our inflate mattress just in case because I don't know how many times like we've been at someone else's sleepover and they had more people there than they anticipated and they weren't prepared for like some people are sleeping on the couch some people are trying to sleep on the floor and it's like listen we've got an air mattress in our truck we always keep it there so we're going to bust that out and at least three people or four people can sleep on this thing love sometimes you arrive at someone's house and you're not sure if you can like go in their fridge or not how do you navigate that well what I do when I first get to someone's house that I'd never been to is I ask for a house tour like if they don't immediately offer a tour of the house I say okay so when is the house tour I have to see this house is beautiful and that initiates that in them okay let me show you around and then when I get to certain rooms you know I'll ask questions okay well am I allowed to put my stuff in your closet am I allowed to open your fridge what is what is do you have clips that you want me to use or can I use the glasses in the cupboard like what are your house rules so I don't break any of them for one and so I can be more efficiently later on when I'm vibing with people I can just know this is what we can do this is what we can do this is what we can't do that's a great way to do it I like your idea of asking for the house tour and then asking questions during the tour the last party that we went to I think it was about two weeks ago I did that I asked for the house tour and my friend who knew the host said oh oh I want to go on that they knew the host they've been there before but they never had a house tour and they wanted to go on the house tour too so it's just another you know fun thing that I remember going on a house tour and the husband gave you a tour and you started off because you saw the pool and you fixated it on the pool and so he he started giving you a tour of the pool and then I was like asking the wife was like okay where can I put all the stuff because I walked into the house for all the stuff she's like oh let me start your tour over here and so we went to the bedroom all right she started the tour of the bedroom and then the they had a huge bathroom and a walking closet and when we went into the walking closet we kind of got a little touchy in there for a little bit and then we put a pause on that and then went back and finished the tour definitely want to know what the house rules are when you go to a house party you don't want to be that couple that ends up in the kids bedroom by accident thinking that that was the player room and it's oh right I remember that oh my gosh okay what tell me tell me what you remember so it was that party that you're talking about we were at a party and then the one couple walked into the room that was supposed to be kept closed and they utilized the room and they were like oh my god so that is my kids room no one was supposed to play in there and then the couple was like oh my gosh I'm so sorry blah blah blah all the other beds were taken at the time that's why it's a good idea to have that caution tape and put it completely across like a big ex on the doors that you don't want people to go in I remember talking to the host couple I'm like kind of you guys yes you did have the door closed but you didn't like seal it off you didn't give them a tour because you were busy you know serving food or drinks or whatever you were doing at the time and they just kind of walked in and someone else told them where to put their stuff and then now they're here at the house and no one gave them the rules so and then what do we do we pivot we don't stay there or angry or embarrassed we laugh it off close up the door take her stuff out right and pivot and move on because there's no reason in holding our grudge on something like that now what you could do and especially for those couples that maybe they forgot to bring something or they didn't bring anything you know the party might end at two or maybe it's a sleepover ends the next day when that party is done that host couple has a tremendous amount of cleaning to do what would be a great thank you to that host couple before you leave is to help them pick up the drinks the bottles sometimes there's condom wrappers and all these other things that are like you or this is such a mess but you know as a thank you you can help clean up a little bit before you leave yes absolutely so I have a question for you Steve and then I will like to answer my own question okay my question for you is of the how sorry of the party types that we talked about what is your favorite type and what is your not favorite what is your least favorite type okay my favorite type without a doubt hands down our sleepover parties people can have fun they can drink and feel relaxed in a safe environment and you have plenty of time to vibe break barriers have fun take a break have more fun take another break have more fun and so there's no time limit and no one's trying to rush no one's got you know no one's trying to leave at a certain moment so these kinds of parties are my favorite my least favorite party I guess my least favorite might be Halloween honestly the one where you have to dress up with you know whatever Halloween costume you've got and it could be at a house party it could be at a resort or at the club or wherever how about you love what is your favorite kind of house it's my turn my favorite type of swing or party would be staying at a swing or resort and the themes might be something like glow nights or back to school night or lingerie night or night 90s night I don't like 70s parties but 90s night something fun and poppy and positive and you know cheerful that's my favorite type because if I'm at a swing or resort there's like 200 rooms I can go in plus there's a nightclub plus some of these places have restaurants plus there's a mega pool and there's like there's the club with music there's the pool with music there's everyone's room and if you've been around the block a few times you bring your own music so everyone's you know people's rooms have their own vibe there's so many people to vibe with you walk around and we call them love laps we walk around all the different rooms meeting people sharing you know just vibes okay so I want to clarify what she's talking about with love laps is this there's a specific swing or resort where all the rooms at this resort are privately owned and they're privately themed and privately decorated so you've got one room that looks like double it's like a double o seven room everything's all like high class you've got one room where it's like a nasa room there's an anime room merby room there's a mermaid room there's a pirate room with pirate booty there's a star wars room and there's a big window you can see inside the window if the windows are not closed and people are just having parties and it's just so fun like if ADHD if I have that that's maybe that's why I love it because there's different and different and different and different and what are we doing next this is fun let's keep going so that's my favorite when you're when you're in these rooms some people of course go to this resort they book their room and they keep their room closed they keep their windows closed they might mingle outside of the room but in there's inside the room is their safe space right and then some people will keep their door open and invite other people in to mingle they'll offer drinks out of their room shots and mixers that kind of stuff food jello shots and then that like if you get a little group of people going from room to room to room that would be called an organized room crawl and so the host will stay in the room and the host other people as they filter in and out of their room and get to know people exactly and that's why that's my favorite is because I can go back to their room when I might be overwhelmed I can close up the door close up the window and I have my safe space to just relax and come back to you know recenter yourself recenter myself exactly and I don't have to be around people like if I'm going to a house party it's not my house I don't necessarily have a safe place and let's say go out to the car but if I'm wearing lingerie I don't want to walk outside so I might be kind of trapped in that house but with a resort if I have that room I can escape to my room for a time and then re-enter the party after I've catched my breath now my least favorite of these options that we named off we have house parties swing or resort swing or clubs meet and greets travel companies my least favorite would be the meet and greet because I love meeting people when I'm in the party because you never know what's going to happen and you can sometimes spontaneously be sexual but at the meet and greets you can't do that and so it's almost like a tease to me like I'm here I'm meeting people but I can't really do anything and I'm embarrassed to wear the lingerie in the public place because it's a public place so I'm embarrassed to dress up in the end I just I guess I feel awkward you know that movie tally the day of nights and the guy just picks his hands up all the time because he's awkward that's what I feel like in at meet and greets so you won't find a worry at very many of those but not to say that you won't right and again some people especially when they're starting out they're like listen we really want to have an intimate experience and so they like what do we need to do where do we need to go how do we need to meet people to have intimate experiences and those types of people you know they they have I mean it sucks to say it but they have a physical agenda they have an agenda they want to have an intimate experience they don't know with who they don't know with how and you can come across that way like listen I work here to vibe and have an experience but if you again I've said it before if you can learn early on to not try to go to have your agenda fulfilled and go just to make friends you'll be more successful and you'll have a better time overall at the end of the day Steve I know that you like to give our listeners a bit of homework every now and then do you have any homework assignments for the new couples out there that haven't had any experiences yet or maybe they're thinking about having experiences what I want you to do is go to it depends on where you're listening if you're if you're listening from the California area in that side of the country yep I want you to go to Cassidy.com if you're in the eastern side of the country I want you to go to either LLS or SDC. SLS or SDC. Yep and then create a couples profile and then you can review after you've created your profile the events that are in your area pick an event that you both might want to try out maybe it's a meeting great somewhere and then go. That's great now do those websites cost money. Well usually you can create a profile for free right and then it's usually the communication aspect where like if you're going to try to communicate with another couple then it starts to cost money. So you can see other couples it's kind of like a Facebook or some profile type thing. Yeah and so some of them can get kind of elaborate they'll say you know on this particular website they'll say you know are you into bi play and of course my wife would say yes I'm into bi play. What is your experience level swinging beginner? No experience very experienced they'll start to ask and some websites will ask you okay what are you looking for so they'll say you know saw swap full swap we're looking for you know cut cold we're looking for and we can go into the terminology later but it can get pretty elaborate and that way you don't have to you'll look at someone's profile you'll know exactly what they're about you'll know exactly what they're looking for and what they're interested in and if they're good about creating their profile they have already established their boundaries and so you don't need to send messages and ask them a bunch of questions if you're interested or not you kind of already know like okay this is an experienced couple they have few boundaries they're not going to meet people for places of dinner they're going to meet people at lifestyle places so I do want to include if you're going to create a profile include a picture of both the man and the female not just the female and you don't have to include your faces chop off the faces but there are so many this is my least favorite thing about swing or websites is that there's so many profiles of pictures for couples but it's just the female and not the male so when I was new and Steve was asking what do you like them eat scroll through the pictures to try to find a picture of the guy and there was no picture of the guy or there was 35 pictures of the girl in one picture of like half the guy or something it would it would be really weird like listen like I get that the lifestyle sometimes can be female focused but if it's a couples profile damn let's have some pictures of both y'all on there that's for the newbies and do you have any home arc assignments or ideas for the experienced swingers all right if you're an experienced swinger couple I want you to host your own party find a way to host your own party maybe you can't host it at your own house find an Airbnb that will let you host a party at their location and host your own party make come up with your own theme come up with your own boundaries have that communication with your spouse and then invite people in your local area maybe it's just friends maybe you make a public maybe you require a donation go through all your options make it comfortable for you and make it happen and that if you do if you create your profile and your new or if you decide to throw your first house party let us know like we want to hear your stories reach out to us you can reach out to us through the show notes from the podcast or going to Facebook or Swingology or Lifestyle Podcast page you can message us there or Instagram you can message me there too all right guys we hope you've enjoyed your day listening to Swingology Lifestyle Podcast we will see you next time remember to stimulate your mind thank you so much for listening to Swingology I'm truly honored to have you as a listener if you like what you've heard consider subscribing to our podcast or connecting with us on social media the links can be found with the episode show notes this is Tori Kist reminding you to stimulate your mind so[Music]